“Small t” Trauma and Religion: Navigating Faith Evolution

Growth and change go hand in hand. Not all change means the death of something beautiful, sometimes it just changes form.

One of the “small t” traumas that is particularly close to my heart is religious trauma. If you are like most people, your mind has probably gone straight to the kinds of religious trauma that tend to get all the limelight - sexual abuse of children by church leaders, cults that require huge sacrifices from their members and isolate them from the world, greedy institutions that seem to demand money from their members at every turn… And these are serious and legitimate traumas - “big t” traumas. My area of “small t” religious trauma are ones that you might not even notice, or have thought about as traumatic, but if you have moved away from a church-based religion they will likely be the kinds of things that were part of your decision to change your religious position. These things are so subtly woven into daily life that you hardly notice them, like dropping a single grain of sand into your shoe one at a time, you might not notice until your shoe is so full of sand that you cannot get your foot into it any more. Some examples include: the effects of Purity Culture (or Modesty Culture as it is now being rebranded as), life as a missionary kid (MK) or pastor’s kid (PK), and what I call “lifestyle” religion where religious focus is woven into every facet of daily life - food, education, music, clothing, attitude towards work and chores, care of others and animals, rest, recreation, friendships, even sleep. I will explore these things more in upcoming blog posts, but today I’d like to give a moment to the idea of faith evolution as a companion to healing from “small t” trauma.

Some people are able to face, process, and heal from these kinds of traumas within their religious environment, others find they need to evolve their position to find peace and healing, either within their religion (changing denomination, moving church, new interpretation of dogma…), or by moving out of it. There is no right way to heal, only that you need to be willing to be honest with yourself. Sometimes we come to these kinds of crossroads and we still feel compelled to toe a certain line, or double down on certain beliefs, because we are afraid of the potential consequences - complete loss of faith and community. I want to reassure you that this is not always where the path goes. You can challenge parts of your upbringing, faith, religious beliefs, personal values, etc without it resulting in a complete loss of faith. Sometimes it does take people there, but it is not a foregone conclusion. What will happen is an evolution of your faith, a growth, a development, a modification of how you understand, interpret, and apply your beliefs to your life and identity.

This journey will ask you to re-evaluate your religious beliefs, values, and practices. In this process you may grapple with a multitude of emotions, including doubt, guilt, fear, and a sense of loss or grief. This journey often entails questioning long-held convictions, navigating the impact on your personal identity, and redefining your relationship with the community and culture associated with your faith. Engaging in therapy during this process can be incredibly helpful as it offers a number of valuable support structures:

• A sense of containment: you do not have to do all of it at once, that there are boundaries and pathways that you can follow to explore this new terrain.

• A safe space for exploration: I offer a non-judgemental and impartial space to acknowledge and explore whatever it is you need to work through. I have no hidden agendas or expectations about where you will end up, or what your journey will contain.

• Facilitating self-discovery: by sharing your journey with someone else you gain new perspectives and have the opportunity for sound-boarding new ideas.

• Coping with emotional challenges: this journey may bring up painful memories, re-open old hurts, or bring new ones as you change the way you engage with your faith and community. I am here to support you through these hard times.

• Navigating interpersonal relationships: many people find that as their faith evolves and their way of embodying their beliefs changes, and especially for those who are deconstructing/reconstructing, they experience resistance from others in their community - people do not like it when others change, and your church friends and family may pressure you about your new way of thinking and believing. This can be very challenging, but there are ways to navigate these changes in relationship.

• Supporting the deconstruction/reconstruction of beliefs: some people find they need to ‘throw the baby out with the bathwater’ and start again from scratch. The process of fully breaking down, evaluating, and reconstructing a spiritual position is no mean feat. Having someone who has been through this process to support you without judgement or pressure can be extremely helpful.

• Companionship and being seen: a sense that you are not alone in this. You are not the first, or the only, person to have felt these things, or to have thought these unthinkable thoughts. Others have survived and thrived, and you can too. Your struggles and strengths, your hurts and healings are seen and honoured by someone else. 

Faith transitions are intricate, personal journeys that deserve understanding and support. Therapy provides a compassionate and structured environment for you to navigate the complexities of questioning and reconstructing your beliefs. By embracing the evolving nature of faith and engaging in therapeutic exploration, you can foster your personal growth, your resilience, and a more authentic connection with your evolving sense of self. 

If this is you I encourage you to drop me a line. Whether you feel you want a casual session now and again as you go on this journey, or you feel that a regular weekly, fortnightly, or monthly appointment would be most helpful, please do get in touch. We can start off with a short chat before you decide if I’m the right person to go through this with you. If I’m not, I have other therapists I can recommend who may fit you better. Just know you don’t have to do it alone.

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